Positive Living – Painful Beginning

Several years ago I said to myself, “Life has got to be better than this.”Broken Life

My life became a burden to me. I couldn’t enjoy the blessings of a growing family, a full-time job, friends and a wonderful husband. I was completely burned out.

Life had thrown me some curve balls but I always manage to keep a positive outlook on life until I was diagnosed with breast disease. I had to have a double mastectomy and a breast rebuild. Little did I know that the disease was my body’s way of telling me to quit taking care of everyone else and start taking care of myself.

After my operation and long painful recovery, I could no longer cope with the stresses of life and keep up a cheerful optimistic outlook.  Years went by, I gained weight and begin hating myself more and more. Soon I noticed my friends and children begin reflecting back to me how miserable I was. This became a vicious cycle of self loathing and not understanding why people were being so cruel to me.

Always being a spiritual person, I reached out to God. He brought me to a book written by,you can heal your life Louise L. Hay, “You Can Heal Your Life.” I knew this book had the answers I needed.

I flew through the first part of the book.  The author’s ideologies were a little different than mine but they didn’t bother me. In the second part of the book she asked me to look into the mirror and say, “I love you.” I tried, I really, really tried but I found the person looking back at me with someone I loathed.

I thought it was ridiculous. In spite of my self-loathing I believed I loved myself, doesn’t everyone?  But doing the mirror affirmation was impossible.

I put the book down next to my chair, thinking I would pick it up again and read it. Years went by.  I looked at the book, sitting next to my chair, I would pick it up, read a little and put it down.   I felt like a sledgehammer was hitting my gut. She talked about loving myself and forgiving my childhood abuse and neglect. It was just too much.

Even though I could not deal with the concept of loving myself or forgiving my abusers, I began listening to spiritual programs on the Internet and I learned  about gratitude.

Gratitude was something that I could do. So I began to express gratitude in everything, my job, my marriage, my children and their spouses. I noticed life became brighter and a bit more happier.

I still suffered terribly when my children and their spouses would do cruel and hurtful things to me. Knowing that I would never fight back or defend myself. I was too afraid of losing them altogether. Instead I would sink in to a deep dark depressions.

My worst fears became true. My children cut me off. I felt like I lost my entire identity. I dedicated my  life to nurture, support, and care for my children. This punishment was almost too great to bear.

Desperately, I turned back to Louise L. Hay.  I still could not read her book but I began listening to her audiotapes on YouTube. Over and over again I would listen to Louise Hay’s, “101 Power Thoughts.”

I began to do them. I would do the mirror work and say the affirmations. After a couple of days I felt like I came out of a long dark storm into bright blue skies.

I will continue my story in my next blog.

 I want to share with you some affirmations that helped me.  Choose an affirmation that you feel you need to work or write it on a card and paste it on your mirror and as you look into your eyes say the affirmation.

I love you.

“In the infinity of life where I am,

all is perfect, whole, and complete.

“In the infinity of life where I am,

all is perfect, whole, and complete.

I am always Divinely protected and guided.

It is safe for me to look within myself.

It is safe for me to look into the past.

It is safe for me to enlarge my viewpoint of life.

I am far more than my personality –

past, present, or future.

I now choose to rise above my personality problems

to recognize the magnificence of my being.

I am totally willing to learn to love myself.

All is well in my world.”

I allow the love from my own heart to wash through me

and cleanse every part of my body. I know that I am worth healing.

Forgiveness of myself and others releases me from my past.

I am safe in the universe and all of life loves and supports me.

I believe in infinite abundance and all of my needs are met.

I have included Louise L. Hay’s “101 power thoughts.”

You can purchase, ‘You Can Heal Your Life,’  by Louise L. Hay from Amazon.  Click here .

 I created little cards of these affirmations for you to copy and print out.

All is well in my world_edited-1 Forgivness of my self and others_edited-1 I allow the love from my own heart_edited-1 I believe in infinte abundance_edited-1 I Love You_edited-1 In the infinity of where I am_edited-2

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